Now I don't want to get off on a rant here...

Pictures of a Missional Trip

Album by Jordan Ross

Album by Emily Palmisano

Confessions of a Missional Mind II

We were asked to write a reflective letter to ourselves on our last night in Toronto. This was to be read two weeks after we returned from our trip. I read mine for the first time last night.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Dear Jeff,

You have done quite a lot this past week! There have been so many opportunties to shine the light of Christ. The names that are in your journal are just a fraction of those you have touched. The time spent with the kids, drawing closer to them has only solidified in your mind the dire need to stay involved in their lives. Seeing them grow in their understanding of Christ and being privelaged to be a part of that is amazing.

Toronto, Canada, Somalia, all the other cultures you have tasted have given you further insight into the amazing works of creation, and the continuous need to reflect God to others in a fallen world. Hold onto what you have learned to appreciate – cultures/languages/customs of others across this beautiful world. Take every moment to slow down in your busy life and see the need for grace, love and holiness to be shared with those around you.

1 Peter 3:15
“Always be ready to give a defense of the hope you have with meekness and humility”

Love, Jeff

Confessions of a Missional Mind

Below is my, only slightly edited, journal from our recent mission trip. These are written in a more “stream of consciousness” style and less like a detailed history of events. Those memories are conjured up through my reading of what I was thinking in those moments. My wife provided the details of our trip already in Toronto Redux.

Riverside Missional Church – Toronto, Canada

Sunday, August 6, 2006

5:15 PM
We have arrived and gotten settled in, so in normal teenage male fashion (after a 1.5 hour drive) our guys are beating each other senseless with mattresses. Only Brandon doesn't participate, he suggests we play cards and Jordan informs us this is not allowed as a church rule. He then joins in on the carnage. I’m wondering how CSM would appreciate this and if any of our goals are being met this way. Or am I just being a stick in the mud?? I’m not really sure; I just don’t feel this is glorifying God. Alan may even be dead?!

10:30 PM
So Alan is actually still alive! We prayed together in front of an AIDS hospice and I could tell the stories really impacted his heart. They struck a cord in all our hearts; especially Missy & Laura who were in tears. Toronto is a diverse place and I’m not sure it is more diverse than other big cities, but that is what they claim. Our prayer tour opened a lot of eyes to poverty and provided a great chance for continual prayer with our eyes open. America is even wealthier than Canada – to those that are blessed with much; much is expected. May He who provides be glorified by all who enjoy His riches, and may He give bountifully His grace to those who need it most.

Monday, August 7, 2006

7:50 AM
Alarm failed its first test – try again tomorrow?!

Isaiah 41:6 Everyone helped his neighbor, And said to his brother, “Be of good courage!”

May we continue to come alongside each other and reflect God to the world through our service, acts of kindness, love and devotion. Have we listened? Will we remember? Will we do? Loving-kindness and Tender Mercies

3:10 PM
Our ride from the Scott Mission to the Somali restaurant and back was high energy. The kids have been especially hyper. Emily noted that the guys did not do a very good job at lunch with serving the girls who could not talk unless spoken to. We’ll have to work on “others first” within our group. Although for every mean thing they say to one another – they have to give two “warm & fuzzies”. It will be interesting to see how that progresses and how the energy levels will be maintained. How will we express love to each other???

11:30 PM
Tired, hungry and alone, I turned to male prostitution tonight. It provided for all my 14 year old needs as a runaway on the streets. As we found out, there may be no wrong answers but there certainly aren’t any good ones either. They all lead down a road of hurt, pain and suffering. Sharing the love of Christ is vital to all those who experience pain. Gay, Jew, Gentile – we all are in need of grace. May we all find ways to share this love and grace with each other and with the lost.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

7:30 AM
Better is one day in your courts. Better is one day in your house. Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere. This song – these lines are stuck in my head as I wake up. A reminder of how wonderful it is to be in God’s presence!

9:30 AM
How many hours have I been up? Where did I sleep last night? Scared, confused, hungry – where am I going to get breakfast? I survived my first night on the street. Will I see another morning?

This is reality for any runaway that came to Toronto last night. May they find salvation from their pain, may they experience God’s tender mercies and loving-kindness today. May they see hope and find green pastures.

As our week roles on, will we have graceful obedience? Will we bear with one another in unity? The community that we are needs to reflect Christ and not sin to the world, to Toronto, to those we serve. May we continue to serve with joy and kindness.

11:30 PM
There is a well spring of anger in my heart right now. Is it my desire for comfort? My desire to be alone? Am I jealous of other leaders teachable moments? Or is it my pride getting in the way – the feeling of condescension – the feeling that I don’t have anything to learn here? I don’t know and I’m not really sure I want to. The feeling of not being in control – perhaps; very likely. Maybe it’s just because I didn’t see Christ reflected in me tonight as we walked the streets handing out bag meals. It’s amazing how easily selfish desires overtake the soul and divert our attention from our purpose, our focus, our mission, our God. Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, make me holy bend my heart towards you and away from myself.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

7:35 AM
Thank you Lord for my wife – her love for me and how you have sustained our lives and our relationship. Please help us to grow in our reliance on each other and on you. Draw our hearts into your presence moment by moment. Amen.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

8:05 AM
I crashed last night with a pounding headache. Lack of sleep mounting up with all the action just sucked the life right out of me. I hope I have gotten a second wind this morning to finish strong. I don’t want to be lacking in patience and perhaps Jordan’s breakfasts alone are all that is keeping his sanity in tact. Lord help us to persevere together – urging one another on to brotherly love.

Friday, August 11, 2006

1:40 PM
It’s challenging trying to communicate with people that don’t speak English. I hope that we brought smiles to the face of China town with our concern for their culture, our questions and our service to those we met. I hope we left it a better place than when we entered it. Sharlene was very sweet and enjoyed our company very much. Lord, please help her to find her calling and use her education for a better life. William Owen & Robert live on the streets – one holds onto his past, his family; the other draws the world with beauty as he sees it. Lord, help them both to find comfort in your arms, in the helping hands of your armies of compassion and in the deep deep love of Jesus Christ.

This is our last full day in Toronto and I pray we have made this city a little less harsh to some and little more lovely to others.

Isaiah 49:3
“And he said to me, You are My Servant, In whom I will be glorified.”

You have blessed us richly!!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

7:55 AM
Last night was an emotional night for us all in the culmination of our trip, our unity and love shown brightly on the dim night filled beach. It was our chance to encourage, pray, reflect and weep. May your hand of peace be upon our hearts continually. We will all deeply miss MC and for Amy & me, this will be our last real time with the kids. Help us to continue to minister to them and show us new ways to do so.

Toronto Redux

Posted by my wife

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, and financial contributions toward our trip to Toronto. We were blessed abundantly by all that you did to make the trip a huge success. We could not have asked for a better trip, or a better group of kids to take with us. There is so much to tell that I hope you will bear with us as we share our story. The Saturday that we left, before we actually went to Toronto, we stopped at Niagra Falls, on the Canadian side, for some sightseeing. Most of us had never been there, and the sight was spectacular. We were able to enjoy God’s creation up close and personal. We even went on the Maid of the Mist boat tour and viewed the falls from the water. We were also able to see the falls at night turned into a rainbow of colors.

From there we went to Toronto and began serving with the Center for Student Missions (CSM). The first night we went on a prayer tour, where our host took us around the city of Toronto and we learned about the needs of the city and stopped at different places to pray. Some of the places we learned about were the Scott Mission, a Christian organization that receives over 5 million a year in private donations to serve the homeless of Toronto, and the Salvation Army 614 (named appropriately from Isaiah 61:4) that is located in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Toronto and ministers to the diverse ethnic population there. Some of the more discouraging places we prayed for included a place called Casey House, which is a hospice center for people with AIDs, and a place called the Romper Room where pre-adolescent girls go to prostitute themselves. To contrast the physical poverty, we prayed for rich neighborhoods and shopping areas where there was gross spiritual poverty manifesting itself. After that eye-opening experience to begin our week, we jumped into a variety of other activities. Our host site (or the site that we went to every afternoon) was a church that runs tutoring programs for Somali refugees. Our kids were grouped together according to interests to tutor different Somali children in their homes. Most of our group was able to be matched up with a family to work with every day, and they grew to love the kids they worked with. For Jeff and I, we were never able to coordinate schedules with our family, so we did not end up tutoring. However, during the afternoons when the rest of the group tutored we would spend time praying for them, and on the last day we put together recreational activities for all of the Somali kids to be involved with.

Every morning we would do service projects at different locations. These included serving lunch at a soup kitchen, handing out bottled water to homeless people, making and handing out bagged lunches to homeless people, buying food, drinks, or clothing for homeless people and picking up trash in some of the more impoverished areas. These experiences were deeply meaningful and rewarding for the people we were serving and for ourselves. I could write pages about the stories we learned about the lives of the homeless people of Toronto, and how much they taught us about sacrificial love and peace in the midst of their circumstances. I could also write pages about the sad stories they shared. The police are charged with getting rid of the homeless people of Toronto, and many of them shared stories of police brutality towards their friends who were kicked to death while sleeping in a park, had water poured on them in the dead of winter so they froze to death, or were stabbed and beaten and ridiculed. The fact that we would take the time to treat them with respect and dignity and show them love meant so much to them and radiated Christ to their hearts. We heard the life stories of such people as Billy, Richard, Charlene, and Robert. And while these names mean nothing to you, if you’re interested in learning about the impact they have had on our own lives, please come talk to us.

Another profoundly impacting experience from our trip was the teenage runaway project. There was one night when the CSM hosts took all of us to this street mission and told us a story. Tonight we were all to become a teenage runaway who grew up without a father because our mother left him due to abuse. We were poor and lived with a depressed mother who could barely take care of herself. One day she came home and told us that she was dating a man. He started coming over and buying us things and showing us lots of affection that we had never known. When she told us that they were getting married we became ecstatic to have a father who cared for us, and to see our mother so happy. Unfortunately, after a few months of marriage this stepfather began sexually abusing us and to make matters worse our mother said if we told anyone she would kick us out. So we decided to run away to Toronto. The CSM hosts gave each of us a two dollar coin (called a Tuney) and we had to go out into the city as if we were teenage runaways on our own, and answer a series of questions. How would we make money? Where would we get food? What would we do for hygiene? What would we do for entertainment? And where would we sleep? To complicate matters, it is illegal to run away in Toronto if you’re fourteen, so you cannot get caught or they will send you back home, and you are not allowed in youth shelters. The life story that they gave us is an every day occurrence in Toronto, and it was a very eye-opening experience for all of us. Not only did we have to find ways around security cameras, police, well-guarded parks, and gangs, but we saw such places as Boys Town where young men prostitute themselves in order to pay for college, and Church Street, which is the homosexual part of town. We all began to see what a difficult situation it is to be homeless, even more so to be homeless and fourteen years old.

Toronto has been touted as one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. And part of our experience there included sampling food from different cultures to help us appreciate those cultures, their hospitality styles, and their differing cuisines. We went to authentic Jamaican, Somali, Indian, Greek, Thai, and Vietnamese restaurants. We had to eat with only our right hand at the Somali restaurant, and women were only allowed to talk when they were spoken to. Those dining experiences in and of themselves were great indicators of what those cultures are like, and all of our kids did a great job with trying new foods and being considerate of different cultures.

There are many, many more stories we could share with you, so if you’re interested, please let us know and we would be happy to talk more about our trip. We have learned so much from Toronto that we want to apply to our own lives. Because so much of our service was done with the homeless population of Toronto, it broke down many barriers and stereotypes that we had about serving them. We want to use that as a way to learn to reach out to the homeless population of Baltimore city, a city that we are very near to. We also have a heart to learn more about, and become involved in, missions that serve the poor and down trodden of Baltimore. We hope to remember this experience and always keep our eyes open for needs we can meet and ways we can serve in our own communities to live out our Biblical mandate.

If any of you are interested in taking a group of people to Toronto we would highly, highly recommend it. Please come and talk to us and we would love to help you get in touch with hosts at CSM to help you begin that journey. Thank you again for your thoughts, prayers, and financial support, they meant so much to us. May we all continue to listen to the words of Christ to the poor, let them penetrate our hearts, and serve a world in need.

Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

God’s Work

I have struggled to understand in the past year how unrighteousness can be allowed to continue in my life. Many people struggle with this as they see suffering in the world. The idea of theodicy can be a personal question or a rather general one. Being a Calvinist and believing in God’s sovereignty, I rarely have trouble with this question one way or another. But as I have experienced injustice first hand it has become a more difficult one to find the answer to. It is not that I question God’s sovereignty; it is that I give myself a greater role in His plan than I should.

My instincts are to fight and battle against injustice, unrighteousness and whatever I see wrong in the world. Often times I can easily forget that it is not my war, it is God’s – that vengeance is not mine but His.

Ecclesiastes 7:15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: a righteous man perishing in his righteousness, and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.

Fortunately despite the events of this past year, God has been showing me in His word that I must rely on Him. That I can’t fight every battle on my own and just because something is wrong, doesn’t mean that we will see justice prevail in that situation. He does remind us of the eternal unrest of the truly wicked (Isaiah 57:20-21) and His ultimate justice is seen through His perspective on history, not necessarily ours.

As we struggle through these situations in our lives it is easy to not only forget whose war it really is, but also who the true enemy is that we battle.

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande

Satan prefers that we do not recognize his role in our conflicts. As long as we see other people as our only adversaries and focus our attacks on them, we will give no thought to guarding against our most dangerous enemy. Both James and Peter were aware of this danger, and they warn us to actively resist Satan's schemes (James 4:7; I Peter 5:8-9). Paul gives a similar warning, reminding us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph. 6:12).

This is so important to remember, as it is so easy to vilify those that we disagree with. It is for the sovereign ruler alone to sort out the sheep from the goats (Matthew 25:31-46). He knows the righteous and recognizes the wicked when He sees them and He calls us all to humble reliance on His victory and glory.

I go

My last entry “Should I stay or should I go?” has been removed for several reasons that I will not go into here. Basically, even though we live in a free society and have freedom of speech, we do not have freedom from the consequences of our words. Neither the Constitution nor Scripture absolves us of this.

My question was a rhetorical one though, because I had already made up my mind to leave and that decision has been reinforced as the Lord has shown me it is the right one again and again. Whenever there was a glimmer of light or hope or just an inclination in my heart to want to stay – the darkness overtook it decisively.

Often times we wish that God would be clearer with what direction we should go in, but He has spoken with such clarity in this case that I am truly amazed at how He works. Below is an excerpt from my deleted entry that I still wish to share and still believe is very poignant and helpful to any who still question, “Should I stay or should I go?”

Dr. Glenn Parkinson of SPEP has written a document Churches: when to join – when to leave. He wrote, “A responsible Christian church will not ignore biblical teaching about sin, and will not endorse sinful lifestyles within its fellowship or leadership.” Since our call as Christians is to shine the light into the dark world, we need to make sure that we are set apart and making every attempt to live according to Christ's standards of living. The church must reflect that standard and not the one of the world.

As Paul exhorts in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” All I seek is an obedient heart to the will of Christ and that every thought that enters my mind would be conformed into His.