Now I don't want to get off on a rant here...

Confessions of a Missional Mind

Below is my, only slightly edited, journal from our recent mission trip. These are written in a more “stream of consciousness” style and less like a detailed history of events. Those memories are conjured up through my reading of what I was thinking in those moments. My wife provided the details of our trip already in Toronto Redux.

Riverside Missional Church – Toronto, Canada

Sunday, August 6, 2006

5:15 PM
We have arrived and gotten settled in, so in normal teenage male fashion (after a 1.5 hour drive) our guys are beating each other senseless with mattresses. Only Brandon doesn't participate, he suggests we play cards and Jordan informs us this is not allowed as a church rule. He then joins in on the carnage. I’m wondering how CSM would appreciate this and if any of our goals are being met this way. Or am I just being a stick in the mud?? I’m not really sure; I just don’t feel this is glorifying God. Alan may even be dead?!

10:30 PM
So Alan is actually still alive! We prayed together in front of an AIDS hospice and I could tell the stories really impacted his heart. They struck a cord in all our hearts; especially Missy & Laura who were in tears. Toronto is a diverse place and I’m not sure it is more diverse than other big cities, but that is what they claim. Our prayer tour opened a lot of eyes to poverty and provided a great chance for continual prayer with our eyes open. America is even wealthier than Canada – to those that are blessed with much; much is expected. May He who provides be glorified by all who enjoy His riches, and may He give bountifully His grace to those who need it most.

Monday, August 7, 2006

7:50 AM
Alarm failed its first test – try again tomorrow?!

Isaiah 41:6 Everyone helped his neighbor, And said to his brother, “Be of good courage!”

May we continue to come alongside each other and reflect God to the world through our service, acts of kindness, love and devotion. Have we listened? Will we remember? Will we do? Loving-kindness and Tender Mercies

3:10 PM
Our ride from the Scott Mission to the Somali restaurant and back was high energy. The kids have been especially hyper. Emily noted that the guys did not do a very good job at lunch with serving the girls who could not talk unless spoken to. We’ll have to work on “others first” within our group. Although for every mean thing they say to one another – they have to give two “warm & fuzzies”. It will be interesting to see how that progresses and how the energy levels will be maintained. How will we express love to each other???

11:30 PM
Tired, hungry and alone, I turned to male prostitution tonight. It provided for all my 14 year old needs as a runaway on the streets. As we found out, there may be no wrong answers but there certainly aren’t any good ones either. They all lead down a road of hurt, pain and suffering. Sharing the love of Christ is vital to all those who experience pain. Gay, Jew, Gentile – we all are in need of grace. May we all find ways to share this love and grace with each other and with the lost.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

7:30 AM
Better is one day in your courts. Better is one day in your house. Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere. This song – these lines are stuck in my head as I wake up. A reminder of how wonderful it is to be in God’s presence!

9:30 AM
How many hours have I been up? Where did I sleep last night? Scared, confused, hungry – where am I going to get breakfast? I survived my first night on the street. Will I see another morning?

This is reality for any runaway that came to Toronto last night. May they find salvation from their pain, may they experience God’s tender mercies and loving-kindness today. May they see hope and find green pastures.

As our week roles on, will we have graceful obedience? Will we bear with one another in unity? The community that we are needs to reflect Christ and not sin to the world, to Toronto, to those we serve. May we continue to serve with joy and kindness.

11:30 PM
There is a well spring of anger in my heart right now. Is it my desire for comfort? My desire to be alone? Am I jealous of other leaders teachable moments? Or is it my pride getting in the way – the feeling of condescension – the feeling that I don’t have anything to learn here? I don’t know and I’m not really sure I want to. The feeling of not being in control – perhaps; very likely. Maybe it’s just because I didn’t see Christ reflected in me tonight as we walked the streets handing out bag meals. It’s amazing how easily selfish desires overtake the soul and divert our attention from our purpose, our focus, our mission, our God. Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, make me holy bend my heart towards you and away from myself.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

7:35 AM
Thank you Lord for my wife – her love for me and how you have sustained our lives and our relationship. Please help us to grow in our reliance on each other and on you. Draw our hearts into your presence moment by moment. Amen.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

8:05 AM
I crashed last night with a pounding headache. Lack of sleep mounting up with all the action just sucked the life right out of me. I hope I have gotten a second wind this morning to finish strong. I don’t want to be lacking in patience and perhaps Jordan’s breakfasts alone are all that is keeping his sanity in tact. Lord help us to persevere together – urging one another on to brotherly love.

Friday, August 11, 2006

1:40 PM
It’s challenging trying to communicate with people that don’t speak English. I hope that we brought smiles to the face of China town with our concern for their culture, our questions and our service to those we met. I hope we left it a better place than when we entered it. Sharlene was very sweet and enjoyed our company very much. Lord, please help her to find her calling and use her education for a better life. William Owen & Robert live on the streets – one holds onto his past, his family; the other draws the world with beauty as he sees it. Lord, help them both to find comfort in your arms, in the helping hands of your armies of compassion and in the deep deep love of Jesus Christ.

This is our last full day in Toronto and I pray we have made this city a little less harsh to some and little more lovely to others.

Isaiah 49:3
“And he said to me, You are My Servant, In whom I will be glorified.”

You have blessed us richly!!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

7:55 AM
Last night was an emotional night for us all in the culmination of our trip, our unity and love shown brightly on the dim night filled beach. It was our chance to encourage, pray, reflect and weep. May your hand of peace be upon our hearts continually. We will all deeply miss MC and for Amy & me, this will be our last real time with the kids. Help us to continue to minister to them and show us new ways to do so.

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