Now I don't want to get off on a rant here...

Price’s Twelve

I am currently recruiting a gang of thieves for an upcoming project. This will not be a crack commando unit surviving as soldiers of fortune like the A-Team, but twelve highly skilled veterans of the underworld. If you fit this description please read on and leave your contact info in the comments.

Now for the job description (please excuse the use of “code words”, these channels are being monitored)

Background
This past Sunday night I put out my “garbage” for its normal pickup on Monday morning. When I returned to “headquarters” Monday night my “garbage cans” were missing. Some suggested the wind blew them away, but I’m not buying it. I have my suspicious as to whodunit, but I am more concerned about future “garbage pick-ups” than living in the past.

There is an outside chance that simply buying new “garbage cans” to replace the missing ones will remedy the problem, but I have devised a full-proof plan that will work much better. I cannot do it alone and this is where Price’s Twelve comes in.

Full-Proof Plan – Phase 1
We need to scout the locations of all my “neighbor’s” “garbage cans”, including their “garbage can” dimensions and capacities. Then we need to log their schedules to determine when they are their most vulnerable and accessible.

Full-Proof Plan – Phase 2
While Phase 1 is taking place a subcommittee will be charged with phase 2. This will probably include many trips to Radio Shack, Best Buy & Circuit City. So it will require an expert driver to navigate the streets, plan routes and fast getaways. These details can be worked out later. Now for the easy part, we will need to build a holographic replica of my missing “garbage cans”. Picture will be provided upon request.

Full-Proof Plan – Phase 3
Now once Phase 1 and 2 are complete we will be ready to strike. This phase requires quick, agile and stealthy members. We will be parsing out my “garbage” into my “neighbor’s” “garbage cans” during their times of accessibility/vulnerability. There is no margin for error here and getting caught is not an option. Timing is crucial. Every Sunday night I will activate the holographic replica in front of my “headquarters”, so there are no suspicions raised by my “neighbors” as to why I am no longer putting out the “trash”.

The plan I have laid out is flawless and I suspect will be very easy to implement by the right crew. If you have the stomachs for this kind of work contact me immediately. There is no time to delay and we must act quickly. Sunday night is fast approaching.

Posted by price at December 22, 2004 12:20 PM