When I was very young, my parents argued over the direction of my faith. My mother is Methodist and my father is Catholic. I was baptized Catholic, but my earliest memories of going to Church were with my mother & grandfather. They would go to church while I attended Sunday School. As I got a little older my father decided he wanted me to attend CCD classes, which were at a Catholic Church. In my house there was never any continuity in regards to faith.
I reached the age to be confirmed and I decided that it was something I did not care about. My father decided it was something I was going to do regardless. I accepted that and eventually began to enjoy the process and felt a renewed faith in God. Church was still not something I attended regularly or something I even took very seriously. When I began college, I still had a belief in God, although it was a weak one. I took Philosophy & Theology classes and read a lot of Aristotle & Plato & Locke. In reading these authors as well as the Bible, I began to develop my own philosophy and lost my faith in God. I foolishly came to the conclusion that there was no God and that I was a man of my own destiny. That I was in charge of my universe and when good things happened it was because I made them happen. I saw many "religious" people who did not seem to live very virtuous lives nor take their faith seriously. I knew that I could not take mine seriously and did not want to be one of those individuals who had a false faith.
I continued down this path eventually succumbing to the idea that there was a central force in the universe. I was not prepared to call that force God and I did not believe in Christ. It was more of a Life-Force that we were all united with as energy in the universe. When we died this energy was absorbed back into the universe. It was right around this time that I met Amy, a professing Christian.
We began to talk about a lot of faith related issues and I felt as though I already understood her point, because I was raised Catholic and had read the Bible before. I did not see any reason in revisiting the Bible nor in understanding the God that she spoke of with so much love. Through countless discussions, as I liked to call them because I did not like the term arguments, we reached many impasses. I was unable to make neither my points clear to her or hers' to me.
I have always considered myself a very open minded individual, so I began to feel foolish when I did not really give Amy's point of view a chance. In the back of my head, I always knew that I would come back to believing in a higher power, but did not believe it would happen until I was much older. So the thought of believing in God and taking religion seriously was something that frightened me. I decided to revisit the Bible and began reading Romans.
I can still remember that night vividly, as I was laying in bed reading with my dog at my feet. I felt a very uplifting spirit with me and my heart was filled with a great deal of love & joy. I suddenly did not feel alone in the world anymore and I definitely did not feel alone right then and there. I was frightened by what I was feeling and experiencing because I knew my life was going to change from that moment on. It was not a fear of the presence that I felt with me, but it was a fear of what that meant to my life and how I lived it.
That experience was three years ago and I have gone through many changes and grown very much since then. The door to my heart has opened for Christ and He has filled it with more love and peace and happiness then I could have ever imagined was possible. I have been transformed from a boy that could do everything himself to a man that could not live without Christ in his life. He has brought me much understanding and patience. He has shown me what a sinful creature I am and how much I needed Him to die for my sins and to live the perfect life that I am incapable of doing. Everything I do on a daily basis is because of my love for Christ. Not because I want to go to heaven and this is the only way, but because I truly love the Lord with all my heart. I would not be where I am today, if it was not for having Christ in my life.
To say that my life made a 180 degree turn would be an understatement. Rather than spending all my time out at bars – getting drunk and doing many harmful things, I pursue a much more fruitful lifestyle. I am active at my church as a leader in the youth group and involved in a “College & Careers” group. I thirst for the saving knowledge and wisdom that comes from Scripture. Amy, the professing Christian, and I have built a relationship centered on Christ and our love for Him overflows into our love for one another. We will be getting married in September.
This transformation, this re-birth, and my continued sanctification have brought about much peace and happiness in my life. It has changed my view of the world forever and it is through this Christian lens that I now see everything. I thank my God, my Lord, my Savior, my Shepard for calling me into the fold and pray for others to seek Him.